The last few days have been hectic. End of university exams, Campus 14 and the Nottingham University Summer Party. It would have been a lot to take had I been able to remember it all. But now it's all about the World Cup. That and piecing together the weekend.
In all honesty I haven't got plans to do much in Cologne other than watch football, read football and play football. It's strange to think that the next time the World Cup is in Europe I'll probably be 32, with South Africa and almost certainly a South American country taking the reigns in 2010 and 2014 respectively. So I thought it best to make a list of things to do whilst I was over there that didn't necessarily involve football.
And I got nowhere. Who am I kidding? If you're going to a foreign country to experience the culture there probably isn't a worse time to go over than when hundreds of thousands of fans from 31 other countries are drinking and partying.
That said, we all need targets, so here is a checklist of things to do:
- Finish off the book we read in Mr. Whitaker's 6th Form lessons. Hard to believe we did exams on the book without ever finishing it in class
- Eat plenty of German sausage with a ridiculously high fat content.
- Guess someone's nationality correctly based purely on observed stereotypes.
- Beat a Brazilian at football.
- Lose to an Argentinian in a penalty shoot-out.
- Not mention the war.
- Not start a war.
- Try and convince at least one person that I'm not English. Which leads to 9…
- Perfect my fake-Welsh accent.
- Find a celebrity.
- Get on TV/Radio and embarrass myself.
- Get on TV/Radio and embarrass others.
- Visit the Chocole Factory in Cologne. Following which:
- Rat-tail a portly German child ("Don't make me run I'm full of chocolate!")
- Smile politely whilst someone asks me for directions in Angolan (is that their language?)
- Come on as a second-half substitute for Peter Crouch.
- Come on as a first-half substitute for Wayne Rooney.
- Miss a flight/train/internet connection.
- Enter into an argument about the merits of Rammstein.
- Get deported for my comments about Rammstein.
All of which I feel are quite achievable…